Fresh green juice. Great for fasters and non-fasters alike.
In a relationship, fasting can be a complex situation. Body image and emotional issues are often heightened when one or both partners fast. Additionally, when people fast, they often choose to do enemas, have decreased energy and/or sex drive (though not always) require more sleep or less social interactions than when they are eating normally. When one partner fasts and the other one doesn’t, however, it can bring up some interesting issues. Here are my top tips for when you fast and your partner doesn’t (or vice versa):
1. If you are fasting, try your best to maximize times when you have the greatest energy to accomplish important tasks and spend quality time with your partner.
One of the most difficult things when fasting is to acknowledge that you may have less energy for engaging in typical activities. If you find that you have more energy at certain points of the day, try to maximize those times for doing important tasks and spending quality time with your partner. If you have more energy at 6am than any other time of day, perhaps you and your partner can work around that to hang out in your special way.
2. Engage in lower-energy activities together that you both enjoy.
Meditation, watching films, reading books, listening to relaxing music, writing or playing games together is a great way to still connect while one person has less energy.
3. Make juices for each other.
Just because one partner is fasting officially, that doesn’t mean you both can’t enjoy juice together, at least once a day. Now that my partner is fasting and I’m not, I find that I’m using it as an opportunity to drink more juice in addition to the regular meals that I’m enjoying. It’s nice to sit together while we do our own thing.
4. If you’re the non-faster, make sure you still have meals that you enjoy.
I struggled with this during my partner’s most recent fast, and I think it’s really crucial to highlight. It can be hard not to feel guilty enjoying food while your partner is abstaining, but it’s really important that each partner finds pleasure in whatever they’re doing. Just as one partner might try to make juices that they enjoy, the other partner should seek meals that bring them pleasure and nourishment. Some ideas: cook for/with friends, go out to dinner with friends or solo, cook for yourself and enjoy what you made while your partner sips juice.
5. Set appropriate boundaries when it comes to enemas.
While some couples may choose to engage in enemas together or feel no need to set boundaries, most couples can benefit from a dose of discretion. Schedule times when the partner doing enemas has time alone in the part of your apartment or house where enemas will take place, or plan to be out of the house when they do this. Then again, if you’re both cool with it, do as you feel best…
6. Try to minimize focus on weight or physical appearance.
People tend to drop weight quickly when they fast. They will likely get comments from friends, but it’s best within your partnership not to focus on the topic of weight as it could encourage unhealthy dynamics for one or both partners. This is tricky especially between two women, who are often compared in same-sex relationships anyway.
7. Try to spend more time alone than usual.
In partnerships, there’s typically a balance between time spent alone, with friends, and together as a couple. During this time, it’s especially helpful to focus on doing activities that you both like doing that you prefer or enjoy to do alone. For instance, while my partner is fasting, I like to spend more time running with friends, working on my own projects and meditating on my own. She likes to do activities by herself too, and it works well with our different experiences to spend even more time doing things that make us both feel nourished in unique ways.
8. Be kind to yourselves and each other!
Whatever you do, make sure that you respect yourself and your partner. You are both gorgeous creatures deserving of love, happiness, and nourishment in whatever form works for you at any given time.
Thanks for reading! I would love to hear how fasting has affected your partnership!
xo Sarah
This post is AWESOME. You are the best partner-while-fasting ever… and best partner, period. Say… maybe it’s time for some more juice! Want some, juicypants?
yes. you!
Great advice! I think some of this could apply even in a non juice fast situation, someone just trying out a raw food diet or something too. I had a hard time with the enema thing because it does require more privacy that I wanted. I would never do a couple enema!
Interesting. Yes, I suppose it would! And me neither re: couple enema
This post gives me so much to think about. Is it bad to admit that I think the weight loss part might be triggering for me if I were with a woman? I feel so silly saying that.
Regardless, wonderful and insightful tips for navigating these waters.
Thanks for reading and replying, Gena! Yes, it’s definitely different.
This is really interesting. We don’t do much of this in our household, but we did do a nutritional cleanse once where I wanted to do 3 days of juice fast in the middle and he didn’t. I couldn’t bear to have him eating solid food in front me (which also made me question my commitment to the fast! LOL). We both did do a 3 days master cleanse successfully, because we were both doing it (and miserable) together.
JL, that’s interesting to hear. I have fasted with you-know-who, and it was nice to be in the same place of “yikes, this is tough” together. I wrote this post specifically because this time I did not feel like I wanted to fast, and she really did, and we decided that the most honoring thing we could do for ourselves and our relationship would be for her to plow on and for me to go about my business as usual. I’ll admit, as a same-sex couple with loads of the same interests (and, I mean, we’re both high raw vegan, which is pretty unique to start with!) and we used to work at the same place and we currently share a room in a house with friends…you get the idea! Which was why this fast/non-fast situation was all the more enticing! BTW, I am TERRIFIED of the master cleanse. I’ve heard horror stories.
I only did a 3-day master cleanse — the first two over the weekend were a HUGE mistake! Boredom + hunger = yikes! We went to movies, poetry readings, etc to get our minds off of it. The last day, a Monday, I was at work and it was surprisingly easy to manage. Having said that, and though I rarely say “never”, I really don’t think I’ll be doing it again!
Ha, yeah good to hear. I have juiced plenty of times. Kinda funny: the tree forbids employees from fasting at work. It’s sort of a silly rule if u ask me but apparently lots ofaw employees used to do it and get spacey or irritable and guests noticed …
beautiful post. I definitely struggle with relating to my boyfriend when I juice fast. He juices a lot but has yet to do a fast because he’s afraid to drop the weight. It’s hard because eating and cooking together is something we love to do, so fasting can put up a barrier if you aren’t careful. Thanks for sharing this
I think that fasting is a topic that comes up in lots of relationships. I want to take the stigma out of talking about it, how it makes both partners feel, and how to choose activities to do individually and as a couple that leave both feeling nourished on all levels. I think it’s interesting how your boyfriend’s relationship to food is brought up by your choosing to abstain from it. Seems like when people become vegan and their partners aren’t that also comes up, too. I totally haven’t dated a guy in forever (ha!) but I think no matter what your gender/sexual orientation, it’s important to acknowledge differences between partners and communicate what you each need.
very true. It’s a delicate issue but I’m glad you brought it up here
Thanks
[...] friend Sarah wrote an interesting post, When You Fast And Your Partner Doesn’t (Or Vice Versa), that I found interesting because I live in a house in which my husband and I do not follow the [...]