I became vegetarian at age 12, right after my family spent the summer in the south of France. That trip, I remember my family ate lots of dead animals that were often served in forms that did not try to hide what these animals had looked like while alive: fish and lobsters were served with their eyes bulging out of their poor steamed heads, cooked frogs were served in frog shape, etc. In the United States (and elsewhere) our food culture tends to disassociate meat consumed from its living animal origin. Carol J. Adams, one of my personal heroines and author of The Sexual Politics of Meat, points out in SPOM that our culture has specific language that renders dead animals “absent referents,” and thus keeps us from acknowledging the life and creature who suffered before reaching the dinner table. This defense mechanism keeps people from feeling what I felt in France–uncomfortable with eating animals after realizing the connection between what was on my plate and the cruelty it endured to arrive there.
After one particularly creature-filled meal eaten while traveling in the Loire Valley, my brother took me aside and told me why he thought I should become a vegetarian like him. My brother became vegetarian at age 11. When I was 12, he helped me realize that in order to live in accordance with my beliefs, I needed to be vegetarian (Note: later, I realized that for the reasons I became vegetarian, it was hypocritical for me not to be vegan. I wrote a post about this, if you want to read it here.) My brother became vegan around the same time I did, and now our parents largely eat vegan, too. He and I have both been vegan for more than six years, and our parents eat almost 100% vegan when we, the spawn, are visiting them, which I think is just about the most respectful, kind thing a family can do to support their vegan offspring (and animals, and the planet!)
This weekend, my brother hosted an engagement party dinner for two of his lovely women friends who just proposed to each other a little over a week ago. Eight of us vegans and vegetarians enjoyed an entirely vegan, delicious home-cooked meal. I met a vegan fashion blogger who was as worldly and interesting as she was kind, and shared great conversation and laughs with some old friends. While our gay friends can’t yet get married in California at the time, they have been together for more than three years and are committed to being engaged in the hopes that one day the government will honor their union and right to equality. In the meantime, they will be honored by the friends and family who love them.
A friend serves the home-cooked plated vegan dinners prepared by my brother.
It felt fitting, this vegan lesbian engagement party. On this blog, I attempt to illuminate some of the connections between human- and non-human animal rights and welfare, and so it made perfect sense that a night of celebrating our hope for equality for our friends naturally involved compassionate cuisine. As I sipped kombucha out of a champagne flute, and later ate the delicious braised kale-beet salad, white bean mash, pan-seared citrus marinated tofu strips and Kind Kreme vegan ice cream that my brother so lovingly prepared for us, I felt deep gratitude for the family and friends and compassion this meal represented.
Whether our vegan family is blood-related or otherwise, the connections we create and sustain with those around us have the potential to elevate our activism, and inspire us to live truthfully and earnestly. I am so proud of my extended vegan family. Whether individuals are totally vegan or not, it helps animals and the environment to seriously reduce animal product consumption.Ā I am totally vegan (Note: I am 100% vegan to the best of my ability–I recognize that by driving cars I support animal products in the tires, etc. but I choose to not use animal products in anything I wear, consume, use or own to the best of my ability), but I also honor those in my life who are not fully vegan but support the vegan cause through eating mostly vegan and supporting the vegans in their lives.
May we all be blessed to be surrounded by folks who really understand and appreciate our mission and purpose to spread compassion for human- and non-human animals! I would love to hear about your family, vegan, blood-related or not, or whatever group supports you on your path in the comments.
queerveganfood.com 
What a lovely meal and gathering!
it was š
Hello/Bonjour~thank you for sharing what sounds to be a fun-loving, fun evening w/lots of LOVE and a wonderful combination of life forms to round the event!
I love France and their cuisine and even in the Hawaiian islands there are whole roasted pigs and sort of sad to behold, I agree. Who would want to be roasted then eaten?
However, I grew up in agricultural land in California where we planted an acre of our own veggies, along with a small orchard of citrus & non citrus fruits and raised a beef or pig for the freezer and while those creatures were alive, they had pampered lives only until the time came for their untimely demise but humanely put to sleep, more peacefully than our beloved pet dog or cat at a vets office.
I do like the taste of meat & eat it once or twice a week along with all else for a healthy long life but want to share with you that not all animals are treated cruelly during their lives before death. I hope this brings you some peace of mind.
You are very inspirational and I could possibly be totally vegan one day soon!! Thanks for sharing with us! (I am hungry to know more!)
Debra J.
Debra, thank you for sharing about your upbringing. I am in full support of your desire to transition to a more plant-based diet, and if you ever want to talk about it I am open to answering questions or maybe helping to suggest resources that have helped me and other people I know. Feel free to message me if you’d like, and looking forward to seeing you around the blog again soon.
Beautiful post, Sarah. (Tell your friends to come to New York, where their marriage is legal and I’m ordained) š
Your family story is so interesting. Humans are so good about making meat “other,’ aren’t they? Bacon and hamburger instead of, say, a pig, lettuce and tomato sandwich (PLT) or ground cow meat and french fries. I need to read SPOM!
I will tell them, and you definitely need to read SPOM. Hugs to you, dear vegan extended family member!
You and your brother are inspiring as individuals as well as a sibling team. I love spending time with you both. Isn’t it wonderful to have family gatherings where it’s a granted that only compassionate food will be served there? I love you.
You’re part of our vegan family, love! So glad you were with us. And yes, being part of a vegan-friendly family is a huge gift. Xoxo
“Whether our vegan family is blood-related or otherwise, the connections we create and sustain with those around us have the potential to elevate our activism, and inspire us to live truthfully and earnestly.” Couldn’t agree more. I am currently working on a chapter of my dissertation where I discuss the importance of kinship and affect in making labor unions more inclusive of LGBT workers. I write about the human connections made between seemingly unlike pairs: a socially conservative Mexican hotel cleaner, and white transgender union organizer, for example. I know it’s not the same thing that you’re describing exactly, but it is all about the ways that we can’t erase feelings from any movement for social change.
Thank you for your comment, Raechel. Feelings are such a big part of activism. Your dissertation sounds fascinating. I was involved in some activist groups at Vassar which dealt with some of the issues you raise. We were a group of students, faculty, staff and community members involved in labor issues on campus related to changes in dining services employees’ hours and employment statuses. Basically, every activist group on campus was invited to join the movement, and there were some unexpected alliances and also conflicts among groups. I think that working with others, feeling connected to others, and having a sense that we are not alone/isolated in our activism is key in both the vegan movement and when it comes to labor union inclusiveness.
My much loved father (step because we were not related by blood) and my daughter’s father (same thing) always knew we all loved each other because of who we are, not because of blood. My son has three children from his marriage – not blood. And I love them because they are his and thus my own. I’m so hopeful that more and more people will learn that love is what it’s about regardless of blood or sexual orientation. It happened that my son fell in love with and married a woman with children. But I would not have loved them less if he had chosen a man. It’s the love that counts. My great aunt and uncle never had children. But to the day they died – one shortly after the other – they were inseperable. I remember them walking down the street holding hands when they were well in their eighties. What a wonderful love that was, and what a wonderful love it is for someone to feel that way.
I seem to always be a day late and a dollar short. By the time I figure out how to get something posted the conversation has already gone way past what I’m thinking about. Sorry if my comments seem to be out of place, but I have to think for awhile before I can put the words in order. I’m glad to have found this group and am very glad to hear everyone’s thoughts. What a great group of people you all are. Thanks for being there for someone such as I.
Marie, thank you for sharing these beautiful words. I am so inspired by your family and want to say how I am personally touched hearing Bout these relationships. Thank you!
Thank you for reminding me of how fortunate my wife and I are, not only that our marriage is recognized nationwide, but when we travel home my mother-in-law always cooks vegan for us. As a matter of fact, “Black Tar Cake”, which I have no idea where she found the recipe, is a staple at ALL birthday celebrations. I am also reminded to be really appreciative of the aspect of the vegan community that is very welcoming and supportive. Looking forward to reading SPoM!
That sounds amazing. I am excited for you to read SPOM.
I love the idea of an extended vegan family. My blood relatives are all omnivores, save my sister who is vegetarian. Most of them are supportive, my brother not so much, so I am a little jealous of your family’s dynamic. But as you point out, I do have an extended network of vegan family, all of whom I’ve come to love dearly. I love your reference to SPOM, what a fascinating and eye-opening read!
That’s fantastic! I bet it was a lovely meal and gathering.